cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Randomize
