the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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