What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
