And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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