ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
