Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
