Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
