I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
