I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize