Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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