This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
