she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
God, I missed his penis.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
