I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
