He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
