make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
