Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
