LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
