I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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