I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Green mimosas i think yes
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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