I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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