I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Randomize
