How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize