It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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