My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
