I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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