Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
