you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
