Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
