Having a random hookup so left but love u
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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