My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
