This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
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