He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
