He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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