It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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