Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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