I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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