I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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