is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize