She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Randomize
