hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Randomize
