Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
