You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
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