you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
