I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
