So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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