If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
