Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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