Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
there is puke in my bra ... again
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
