I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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