Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
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