obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
