so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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