I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
