And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
