You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Success! We fucked roommates!
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
