I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
