When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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