She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Randomize
