I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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