I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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