Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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