Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
i wish my penis had a tongue
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Randomize
