I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
