im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
