You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
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