Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
