you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
